In early 2020, when the world felt like it was going to fall apart, I turned all my social media notifications off and limited the remaining apps that could notify me. It was an aggressive move for an unusual time. A year later, when Apple introduced Focus Modes and Notification Summaries with iOS 15, I doubled down and further restricted when the rest of my apps could notify me. If it wasn’t a messaging app it probably got swept into one of my six daily notification summaries. Also aggressive.

I’m not going to suggest I’m now enlightened nor will I recommend anyone do something so drastic. I’m just a guy on the internet with a keyboard. I will, however, highlight some observations from this change.

I use my phone less overall

Without my phone being able to interrupt me at unpredictable times and intervals my overall usage of it declined. It wasn’t immediate, though; the opposite happened at first. I kept picking it up and popping open apps, expecting I had missed something. As it became clearer that was more exception than rule, I picked it up less. Later, I began to experience something new: I could forget my phone existed entirely for extended periods of time.

I’ve missed things

A lot of things. Social media is where people engage and culture is remixed. If you don’t participate, do you even exist? Serious question. I missed developmental milestones in the lives of my family’s/friends’ children, several inspiring weight loss journeys, significant career and geographical life changes, celebrations for peers seeing success they deserve, and more. I also missed a lot of drama, collective outrage, and preening.

It’s harder to keep up with acquaintances

A corollary to the above. Social media gives us an array of lower stakes ways to engage with people we may not be close to but also don’t want—or, perhaps, are not yet ready—to let go of. It takes more effort when you don’t have serendipitous opportunities to drop a timely like or comment with the perfect emoji.

Social media is different when you control the rules of engagement

Some of the more addictive hooks of social media are how it can stoke FOMO and drip feed validation. Notifications are primary levers for that both. When I took those triggers away, opening one of those apps happened because of an internal motivation—usually boredom or a desire to check in on a friend or family member. While boredom is open ended and can (read: often does) lead to endless scrolling, the second is a goal with an off ramp—something social apps try to avoid at all costs. Having more goal driven sessions changed my pattern of interaction over time. After that, boredom became a weaker trigger since there are plenty of other ways to fill (read: waste) time.

Talking to friends and peers became more rewarding, especially in person

Few things sadden me more than a story not being told because someone said “yeah, I saw it on [app].” Well, guess what? I haven’t, so you can tell me all about it; I’ll listen and you can be excited to recount it. That’s a win-win. Watching a friend beam as they share their experiences and pictures that didn’t make the cut for IG is better than swiping through a collection of photos in a feed and maybe skimming the caption.

It makes me weird(er)

It’s uncommon to spend as little time engaging with social media as I do compared to my peers. That disconnect is more obvious depending on who I’m with. Regardless, I’m out of the loop more frequently. While that doesn’t bother me, it does make me feel my age. Having such a regular reminder makes me uncomfortable.

It’s easier to ignore notifications

The notifications I do get just don’t feel as immediate. They’re still useful, which was always the goal, but now I interact with them when I’m ready—more suggestion than demand. This has been great when I’m in the middle of a task that requires my full attention. In the past, unread notifications could feel like pressure growing behind a seal. Eventually, I’d have to pick up my phone and to relieve the discomfort.

I’m more cognizant of rabbit holes

It’s become a lot easier for me to catch myself as I’m about to fall through the floor of a feed. And when I do, I’ve noticed there’s a louder voice in my head that reminds me if you keep doing this you’re going to lose the next hour.